Engaging your partner

In the midst of all of this exploration, one thing seemed to be lacking.  I never really got a sense of what was expected of me, or what she would like to do.

Together with just the two of us, over the course of several weeks, we had a couple of coffee dates, a few dinner dates (one at each of our houses, and one out on the town), and a couple of overnight stays.  It was always great to see each other, although who'd have thought that I would be the more available of the two of us, given that I have a spouse and a toddler.

It's always nice to have some guidelines to go by -- being told what someone likes, or would like to do (or as importantly, what they don't want!).  In the absence of such things, what the hell are you supposed to do?  As much as it's nice to be able to read someone, it's so much easier and nicer to cut out the guesswork for some things.

I'm pretty easy going, and find pleasure and interest in a great many things.  If there's something I'd like to do, I'll say it.  If there's something I don't want to do, I'll say that too.  If things don't seem to be going in a direction I like, I'll talk about it.  Conversely, if there's a direction I'd like to go in, I'll bring it up to see if there's a common ground to be found.

If you haven't tried it, I'd suggest trying it.  If you sit by passively waiting and hoping that what you'd like to happen will come to pass, you could be in for no end of disappointment.

People generally have many aspects to them.  It would be foolish to assume that what you see is simply what you get.  Who knows, in talking about things, you might find that you have completely unexpected common ground, interests, or aspects to your personality that you didn't think you'd get to explore with a particular friend or partner.

If a partner or friend is trying to engage you in that manner, too, what sort of feedback are you giving?  If you aren't clear or don't express interest in anything in particular, what do you think you'll get?  You should generally only say that you don't mind or don't care if that's actually the case!  I don't mean by this that you should expect to get everything your way -- there should be room for compromise, of course, otherwise you're heading off on a highly self-centered/selfish tangent.

For me, I am very lucky...I have such diverse interests, including a broad interest in people in general, that it's very easy for me to have a good time.  As such, it's all the more important for me to have that feedback, otherwise we could wind up doing lord-knows-what that someone doesn't really have an interest in, but that I find fascinating.

PC Filter removed: "If you have something to say, fucking speak up already.  Who else is going to let people know what you like, and what you want or don't want to do?  Your mother?"

I enjoyed the time that we spent together, there's no question about it.  But then, funk aside, I simply enjoy life!  Given the choice, I'd much rather be doing things that my partner or friend enjoys, too.

Sadly, it wasn't to last, and all too quickly came to an end.