Prior to this "opening up", I'd found myself in a bit of a funk that I was doing my best to navigate. The previous year and a bit had thrown a fair share of upheaval our way -- half a dozen family members passed away, my mother included, and my first little one arrived.
I resigned from work early this year to be a stay-at-home dad, in order to provide the sort of care and attention at home that only a parent can give. I was the logical choice for the role -- we both made pretty good money, and my personality was more suited to this sort of commitment. (Admittedly, her post-partum depression was a factor, too -- for those of you who enjoy your careers, you know what a positive influence that can be in your life.)
It was a strange thing, really, to give up a perfectly good career that you enjoy in order to stay at home. Within the first couple of weeks, I knew full well that it was the right choice, although that didn't automatically mean that the transition was easy.
As a highly-involved father prior to the change, the amount of work at home came as no surprise...in fact I'd been tackling much of it all along during my 9-5, to do my best to help my wife through her PPD and keep things working on the home front.
What I wasn't prepared for, though, was the toll it takes when you're immersed in the role 24/7. The workload was easier -- much of the same amount of work, but spread out over a full day rather than crammed into an evening or weekend. That wasn't the tough part. The tough part came from being "on" in the role constantly -- you don't officially get breaks during the day, or days off, unless you make a point of arranging them. As such, you wind up being "on" for a good 12 - 14 hours a day, if not more. Sure, there's nap time, however that's generally filled with getting things done around the house or taking care of your own basic needs...showering, eating, and so on -- definitely not often times that can recharge your batteries.
The first several months saw my disposition vary more than I'd like -- I was still doing a good job, but could see that I was slowly but surely heading downhill. Being somewhat self-aware, noticing this sort of decline can be a bit alarming, particularly when you realize that just knowing what's going on isn't enough to turn it around.
In the first few months, I think I only really arranged "time off" twice. This was definitely not enough, but gave a clear indication of what value it holds -- those brief times left me feeling recharged and very positive. It was a relief to find that getting enough change into your daily routine also has a huge positive influence -- getting out of the house to do things with the little one turned out to be the single largest factor aside from making sure that I had time for myself (taking them to the pool, the gym, the park, and so on -- even just getting out for a walk around the neighbourhood together).
The next couple of months involved finding a balance of out-of-the-house activities that were good for the little one, as well as giving me enough of a change of scenery to keep things heading in the right direction mentally and emotionally.
It was definitely a relief to start finding that balance. I could see that I was on the right track, but that I had a fair ways to go to get back to the highly-positive state I was in when the at-homeness began. Meanwhile, I could expect to go through periods of irritability, lack of patience, emotional upset, and so on...everyone has ups and downs, of course -- it's a matter of finding that balance that gives you far more ups, and makes it so that the downs are fleeting at best.
So. This was my "funk" -- a whole bunch of factors which, when combined, proved to be a fair burden to shoulder, and demanding attention...it wouldn't just go away on its own any time soon.
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