Marriage. What's it to you?

I'm in my second marriage.  Although this may come as no surprise to you, the circumstances may be a far cry from what you'd initially think.

I've always been a faithful partner, and quite satisfied with monogamous relationships.  The whole venture into the poly mindset has been a real eye-opener, and one that can have you delving into the deepest darkest reaches of your psyche, where you can find all sorts of interesting insecurities and fears.

Once upon a time, I always wanted to make everyone happy.  Big mistake.  While it's nice to make people happy, it's also very important to realize that you can't please everyone all of the time.  Common sense, right?  Well, yes, but not necessarily the easiest thing to put into practice for everyone.

I wound up in my first marriage pretty much as a result of following along the garden path what I felt that family and friends expected of me at the time.  I didn't want to disappoint, and so ignored the warning signs along the way.  Another big mistake.  I wound up in a marriage I didn't want to be in, although it wasn't clear to me for a long time why.  I felt trapped, and took far too long to stick up for my right to have a path in life that was of my choosing.  Choosing to divorce, and sticking to that decision was the hardest thing I'd had to do up to that point.

My current marriage.  Well, I'm married to an amazing woman who I love deeply.  Our love has continued to evolve and grow throughout the past decade.  That said, we're not married because it's important to us, but rather because it served a purpose at the time, a few years into our relationship.  Since it was still early in my journey to being comfortable in my own skin, and exploring what I was and wasn't entitled to, it had the added benefit of giving me a sense of security, however tenuous that might have been.  We have an amazing relationship, and being married does not play a part in that.

My new love interest.  There's a different story yet again.  Now with her, I can actually see wanting to be married to her.  I like the idea of seeing her in a dress and walking down the aisle to me.  She'd look amazing in that moment, but beyond that -- it would mean something inside me that wasn't there before.  Talk about putting the cart before the horse, though.

Why are you married, or want to be married?  Because you like the idea of marrying someone, or actually that person you're with?  Do you think it gives you security in your relationship?  Sadly, it rarely works that way.  Get married because you want to be married to that person.  Not for the big wedding, not to try to keep them -- that works about as well as "well if I get pregnant, he'll have to stay with me".