Sex and nerves.

Ah, sex.

It can be amazing -- the excitement and passion of the moment with someone where that magnetism just drives you!  Exploring everything about each other, and figuring out how you fit together...

With someone new, though, nerves can be a big factor in the beginning, until you've reached a certain level of comfort and familiarity.

Making the transition from a monogamous to a poly relationship turned out to be a factor, too -- something to keep in mind, for any of you out there considering such a shift!  I found myself ridiculously attracted to my girl...ridiculously attracted.

Moving from that internal "wow, I'm really turned on" to actually doing something about it wound up coming with some complications.  (The funk I'd mentioned was a factor, too, with me still recovering from the really run down state that had taken root over months.)  The biggest factor, though, was the sense of uncertainty with this first venture into poly -- "Am I actually ok with this?  Is this ok in general?  Will it really be ok at home?" and things of that sort.

That apprehension took its toll...it came about in a few forms.   It could mean that in going from the "wow!" to "let's go!" stage, I'd go from hard to meh, hard...ish, or having nerves related to such things make getting hard in the first place a task.

With all of that in mind, thank god for understanding partners!  We weren't together enough to get past that stage, although I could tell that it would pass within a few more weeks.  A shame, really...so much good fucking missed out on.  (It would be a real bitch if that turned out to be one of the factors that brought things to an end!)

What time we did have together was amazing, though, in spite of the interfering role that apprehension played.  She was definitely a fantastic partner, and I had a good sense of how things would evolve in that regard...the very real parts of me that could come out, and enjoyably so, if things had carried on.

When you have a fulfilling sex life, it's amazing how the other parts of your personality can fade into the background.  Getting to explore things with someone new can awaken those desires, giving you new direction, new territory to venture into, and so on.  It takes time, though, to let those parts of you wake up, stretch their arms, and have life breathed into them.

If you're with someone new, give it time.  Time for you to move towards who you will be with them, and time for them to do the same.  And communicate!  Unless you're both mind-readers, how are you or they going to know whether what's going on is good, bad, or ugly, or what you'd really like to be doing?

In my situation, I simply wish there'd been more time...I was just getting past the "is it ok" stage when things ended abruptly.  I could see the parts of me that would be able to come out, too, but that evolution would likely have taken a couple of months.  It would've been nice to explore...as I said, things are great at home (and keep getting better), but it can be amazing to explore those other aspects of oneself, given the chance.

For partners who enjoy and care about each other, things can just keep getting better over time.  Just make sure that you actually give it time, and communicate!